Friday, July 01, 2005

UPDATE: Famed Illinois fisherman develops feelings of sexual inadequacy...















Alton, Illinois resident Tim Pruitt has been riding high since May of 2005, when he caught a record-sized 124 pound catfish in the Mississippi River near his home town.

However, a recent new story from Thailand reporting of native fishermen having caught a 646 pound catfish has sent Mr. Pruitt into an abrupt emotional tailspin. "I went from 'hero' to 'zero' in like two seconds flat," Mr. Pruitt commented. "I've been the cock of the walk 'round these parts, but now I can't show my face on the street without some joker kidding me about the 'guppy' I caught."

Seeking professional help, Mr. Pruitt has been medically certified as suffering from severe depression, and the combination of his depressed state of mind and the psychotropic drugs he has been thus prescribed have left him unable to enjoy conjugal relations with his wife. "I've been consulting with my friend Bernie," Mr. Pruitt confirmed. "He's a personal injury lawyer, and he says that as soon as we figure out who to sue, I'm going to end up with an assload of money."

"More money than those damn Taiwanese [sic] guys, anyway."

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