Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Chicago is one of the few towns that still has two major newspapers. (Although at one time I think we had eight or ten...seriously.) I've always been a Chicago Tribune man, to the extent that I read a newspaper (mostly during Cubs season). The Trib has a lot of flaws, but very often the Sun-Times reaffirms my choice.

Today's front page consisted of a picture of a guy with his very small dog that ate up a good third of the available page. This referenced a story about people unhappy with leash laws. Meanwhile, in a column over to the right, were blurbs about two actual news stories, one about a (surprise) state political scandal and another about the latest in a seemingly never ending line of faked 'hate crimes' perpetrated at some college. Amusingly, this little headline was marked with a boxed logo announcing it to be "NEWS", a tacit admittal to the fact that most of the front page wasn't.

What really drew my attention, however, were two photo-accompanied headlines at the top of the page. One hinted at 'proof' of, I guess, Brad Pitt and Angelina Joile's affair (of course, since they are famous, they didn't use the stars' full names, but instead offered something like "The Truth About Brad & Angelina?").

Even more depressing, over to the left of that was a headline promising "Face Time with Paris Hilton", and something like "She talks about life, love, and the pain of being a movie star".

Which means that, to my surprise, this constituted "NEWS" after all. Paris Hilton is a movie star? Who knew?

Let's see. She's fourth billed in the upcoming House of Wax. She played "Female Club-Goer" in The Cat in the Hat. She's tenth billed in an upcoming National Lampoon movie (and what phrase, "starring Paris Hilton" or "National Lampoon movie" is scarier?). Finally, she actually toplines what appears like it will be an independent 2006 flick called Bottom's Up. According to the IMDB: "A Midwestern bartender (actor Jason Mewes) ingratiates himself into the Hollywood system, finding love along the way." The only other name in the cast is Ted Lange, Isaac from The Love Boat, who makes a brief cameo as himself.

Of course, Ms. Hilton has famously starred in other films, but I won't comment on those.

Moreover, if you get annoyed with my bad writing, imagine paying coin to get stuff like the interview's opening: "Paris is burning! Except you wouldn't know it." Blecch!

Anyway, if you want to read her, er, thoughts on such topics as ex-gal pal Nicole Richie, her death scene in House of Wax, her new best friend ("Oh, I've known Kimberly since we were in our mommies' stomachs") and new boyfriend (this week's), also named Paris, check here:

In all, the interview lasts a couple of paragraphs, which makes it's photo-accompanied appearance on the upper lefthand corner of a major metropolitan newspaper all the more nausiating.


At 10:24 AM, Anonymous jazzbow said...

Actually, my current favorite bubbleheaded "starlett" is still Brittney Spears. For a long time I paid no attention to her, she was just one of many blond-headed pop singers that all melted into one another.

Then I read an interview with her around the time she broke up with Justine Timberlake. Now, she is round abouts my son's age so I have some idea what her level of maturity should have been. I was absolutely flabbergasted by what an idiot she came across sounding like. It was middle-school level romance gossip delivered with that odd-ball virginal slut persona she projects.

Very, very odd. Since then she has never failed to entertain with her lunacy -- of course going to Vegas, getting dead drunk, getting married, shlonking her way through a brief honeymoon, and the annulment being her crowning feat so far. However, I have great faith she'll manage to top it.

Jabootu fans might want to give her movie Crossroads a gander. Interesting exercise, how do you make a movie when your female lead can project only two things -- giggling or looking stupid.

Eh, back to Paris. I always figured her to be a pretty entertaining party girl. I kinda consider her the Orson Beane of the 21st Century (younger Jabootu fans will never get that joke).

At 10:26 AM, Anonymous twitterpate said...

You know, I've never actually encountered any living being, face to face, who would admit to CARING to know anything about Paris Hilton - most would want to hear far less about her than they do.

There's something surreal about the news media tumbling all over themselves to report on a completely uninteresting person (actually, 3 of them, since my interest in "Brad and Angelina" ranks in the negative numbers as well). There ARE some interesting creative people out there, who give fun, thought-provoking interviews; apparently, they are avoided like the plague since only people with brains would be interested in hearing/reading them. And who'd bother marketing a newspaper or TV show to them?

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Ken Begg said...

Well, Orson Beane wasn't an idiot. He was the British (I think) Tony Randall.

At 10:59 AM, Anonymous JazzBow said...

The phrase "I think" pretty much sums up my memories of Orson Beane. He was always on the ol' TV set, but it was never exactly clear why. In retrospect ,I figure he was probably a pretty good drinking buddy to have around.

Paris Hilton doesn't really bother me because while she is vapid and tacky, she doesn't really take herself seriously. She seems to realize full well she is just a rich girl with a last name that can open doors for her.

Maybe I feel sympathetic because I myself was born to piss away the family fortune. Alas, one of my relatives beat me to it. :-(

At 1:46 PM, Blogger BeckoningChasm said...

Paris Hilton...isn't that a hotel in France? You know, like Berlin Sheridan or Ottawa Holiday-Inn.

At 10:55 PM, Blogger Henry Brennan said...

I, personally, thought she was brilliant in "The Cat in the Hat". I really can't see why anyone would have anything sarcastic to say about that up and coming thesbian (thespian? - sp?) talent.


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